Doubling the Joy of Solo Play

Mutual masturbation, as the name suggests, is the act of masturbating with another person. While partnered solo-play may appear contradictory, this inclusive, approachable, and most importantly enjoyable pastime deserves a spot on everyone's sexual menu!

A second meaning of paired solo-play is when two people manually stimulate each other at the same time. This is a different matter, and that is not what we are discussing here. But one thing can inevitably lead to another...

7 Reasons to Experiment with Mutual Masturbation

1. It is all-inclusive

Except for a few exceptions, anyone can accomplish it. You can enjoy the delights of mutual masturbation regardless of sex, gender, orientation, or fetishes, body type, size, shape, or disabilities—as long as you're able to do it alone.

2. It is easily accessible.

You can do it practically anywhere (within reason) if you have internet access; mutual masturbation doesn't have to take place in the same room because it may be done via chat, video, or phone.

3. A solution to health-related issues

Mutual masturbation allows us to be sexual with our partner(s) while practicing safer sex when genital contact is not possible owing to an STI outbreak or other health concerns. This is especially beneficial for those suffering from genital herpes, yeast infections, or bacterial vaginosis.

4. A method for overcoming trauma

Mutual masturbation can be a method to experience sexual pleasure with a partner, build confidence, and ease into partnered sex for persons who have experienced sexual trauma or have other triggers or phobias around physical touch.

5. A quick and easy substitute for genital sex.

Sometimes we want to get off but don't want to have coupled sex; maybe we're horny or crave connection and release but don't have time or are too exhausted for a full-on fight in bed. Whatever the reason, reciprocal masturbation is ideal for such occasions. Because most of us know what we want and can thus achieve orgasm faster alone than with a partner, it's a great time and energy saving.

6. It keeps long-distance relationships lustful and alive.

Mutual masturbation is a great—and sometimes the only—way to keep our partnered sex lives vital when we are separated geographically, whether in a long-distance relationship or apart for shorter periods of time. In my latest essay, Sexting 101: The Ultimate Guide to Dirty Texting, I discuss several methods for keeping the flame alive from afar.

7. Because it's quite hot!!!

Aside from its many practical applications, mutual masturbation isn't only something you do when you don't have any other options. If you think of it just as a lower type of intercourse, you should reconsider. Mutual self-pleasure can add freshness and excitement to your sex relationship for a variety of reasons.

4 reasons why mutual masturbation is so popular

1. You have complete control over your own experience.

Nobody knows what you like better than yourself, thus mutual masturbation nearly guarantees a wonderful and satisfying session. You and your partner(s) can enjoy each other's pleasure at the same time.

2. You can satisfy your inner showman or voyeurist.

Some people enjoy watching, while others enjoy being observed, and many people enjoy a little of both. You can have your cake and eat it too with mutual masturbation—while also getting off. What more could anyone want? While porn is fine (especially indie porn), a live event is definitely a step up the ladder.

3. It is open to confronting internalised shame.

Many people are ashamed about masturbation. We may be embarrassed to show our partners how we touch ourselves because we've been told it's wrong or unclean, or we may simply be embarrassed. Leaning into our shame—feeling it, being vulnerable, and doing it anyway—can even be a HUGE turn-on.

4. We can improve our ability to gratify our partners.

When it comes to sex, showing is frequently a lot easier than telling. When we masturbate with a partner, we're both learning and teaching at the same time, swapping which actions and motions work best for us.

Furthermore, cis-women in straight partnerships only orgasm approximately 65% of the time during sex, whereas cis-men get off 95% of the time. Lesbian women have it better than homosexual men, at 84% and 89% respectively (Source: BBC Health). Observing each other may be just what we need to bridge the orgasm gap.

How to Experiment with Mutual Masturbation

Communication is crucial

Communication is the most vital aspect of sex, and this is also true here. Before we begin our combined solo play, we need talk about what we want and anticipate. Admitting and sharing our fears, humiliation, and embarrassment about masturbating in public with our partners is the first important step towards conquering them.

Positions and how to do them

There are numerous online tutorials that detail certain postures for mutual masturbation. While these can spark fresh ideas, I'd like to emphasise that the greatest way to masturbate together is in whatever position feels most comfortable for you. Sit or lean back facing each other, lie next to each other in bed, do it standing in the shower; whatever works if you're having fun and can see each other.

We are frequently sold certain concepts as the correct way to accomplish something, especially in mainstream porn. Bottom line: your real, authentic masturbation style is more than good enough. Do you, always!

7 Ways to Improve Mutual Masturbation

While thrilling in and of itself, there are numerous ways to get creative and add more variety and excitement to your partnered self-pleasure activity. If you've been using it for a long and want to try something new, here are a few suggestions:

1. View porn together

When you already have each other to gaze at, watching something else may appear to be a distraction, but it isn't. It might be especially exciting, and perhaps even a bit scandalous, to snuggle up together and watch porn side by side; to see our spouse become as worked on as we are, to see their hands move down south to satisfy that wonderful itch. Porn will boost our visual stimulation—until it is no longer required and we allow it to fade into the background so that we can focus solely on each other. Starting by focusing on the porn instead than looking directly at each other can also help folks who are hesitant about being observed overcome their initial shyness.

2. Put on a performance

Exaggerate the exhibitionist-voyeur elements by taking turns viewing and performing... That is, assuming you can keep your hands to yourself while watching. Even this can be transformed into a game: how long can you look without succumbing to temptation? Feeling particularly kinky? Take it a step further by cuffing or binding the observer's hands and torturing them by'making' them watch while unable to relieve themselves. The only limit to your role-playing options here is your imagination, so let it run wild! Pretend to be on stage, perform a stealthy peepshow, or dress up in your sexiest costumes or lingerie and be the star of your own private sex party. You have the spotlight!

3. Include nasty talking

When you're not used to it, talking nasty, like sexting, might be daunting. Most newcomers struggle with what to say and how to say it: What if what I say sounds phoney? What if they don't agree with what I'm saying? Some people can offer elaborate scenarios during sex without flinching, while others can barely say, oh yes, that feels amazing! without flushing tremendously. I believe the most of us begin in the latter category. I propose beginning by complementing your lover while they are having sex. It makes it easier to say, "Wow, you look so hot like that!" or I really appreciate it when you do that instead of talking about yourself or what you want people to do to you. Once you're used to hearing your words come out of your mouth in this context, you'll probably become more confident and brave.

4. Control one another

While showing our partners what we like and vice versa is part of what makes mutual masturbation so enjoyable, it also provides a delightful opportunity to provide directions and tell our partners what we want to watch them do to themselves. I encourage this especially if you're already comfortable masturbating with each other and are familiar with each other's bodies and preferences. While showing our partners what we like and vice versa is part of what makes mutual masturbation so enjoyable, it also provides a delightful opportunity to provide directions and tell our partners what we want to watch them do to themselves. I encourage this especially if you're already comfortable masturbating with each other and are familiar with each other's bodies and preferences.

5. Take sensual photos or films of each other

During mutual play, snapping pictures of each other adds another bang to the pace. You're no longer just watching and being seen; you're also capturing and being captured, which amplifies the performative and voyeuristic aspects even further. This could be paired with making requests or giving instructions, as well as other types of role play. When deciding to film these private moments, make sure you've already agreed on how the evidence will be handled after the fact. Is the delight mostly in the photography itself, and you prefer to erase the files once you've reviewed them, or will you keep the memories for the long haul? Whatever you decide, make certain that everyone gets a say in the subject. Remember, if someone asks for photos of them to be deleted, this must always be respected without hesitation, even if you decided differently beforehand. Consent can always be revoked! Sharing compromising photos and videos publicly without consent is considered sexual harassment and a felony in many states.

6. Incorporate sex toys

Anything you regularly use on yourself may be brought into partnered play, and it's a great chance to express how you prefer your favourite toys to be handled and used on you. If you are adventurous, you can also try something completely new, with the advantage of first testing it on yourself. If you want to surprise your partner with a new buy to see how they'd utilise it on themselves, make sure you understand their preferences well enough before making a possibly costly expenditure. Remote-controlled gadgets may fall under the other definition of mutual masturbation, but they also lend themselves nicely to paired solo play while introducing a whole new dimension. The app-controlled ones are perfect for long-distance partners because their range (through wifi) is unlimited.

7. Phone & video sex

Everything discussed here in terms of long-distance relationships is also possible via phone and video. The usage of electronic gadgets will modify the experience slightly, but rather than allowing this to hinder you, find ways to use it to your advantage. By shifting the placement of your phone/camera, try to give each other intriguing or daring perspectives and close-ups. You can masturbate live via video chat or by submitting texts, photos, video clips, voice recordings, or a combination of the two. If you prefer auditory stimulation, skip the pictures and engage in some good ol' fashioned phone sex; get lost in the sound of each other's speech, breathing, and moaning.