BDSM 101: How to Be Submissive in The Bedroom ?

When you learn how to be submissive during sex, you will enter a new world of kinky, wonderful sex. It's important to remember that submissiveness and power exchange are mutual.

If you are interested, you will need to discuss it with your man. things's preferable to discuss things with him in advance rather than in the heat of the moment. Discussing it ahead also allows you to identify what you're both comfortable and uncomfortable doing. If you're not sure how your partner will respond, start by expressing what you want to do: being tied up, spanking, flogging, blindfolds, orgasm control, servitude, or another type of BDSM.

Many of these behaviours also occur when you have rough sex.

What if he isn't dominant?

Ideally, you will be paired with a partner that is interested in performing the opposite role to yours, although this is not always the case. While you can't make another person want to control you, you may make him feel strong by taking on that mantle, allowing him to make demands and engage in sexy acts with you.

You may also discover that your spouse is enthusiastic in taking on the dominating role but is concerned about hurting you. This is a significant stumbling hurdle for many couples. Having a safe word, which you'll learn about later, might make you both feel at comfortable. If you know that pain or submission turns you on, you can describe how it feels to you. For example, you may inform him that, while something may hurt, you do not perceive it negatively. It gets you more excited.

If you're serious about submitting, your partner or husband may need some encouragement. In fact, if he is interested in dominating you, he may not comprehend your motivation for playing the counterpart. If this is the case, you should just explain it to him.

How to Be A Good Submissive

Before you get into the specifics of submission, you need first grasp what it takes to be a good submissive. This foundation will direct your words, actions, and even thinking as a submissive. And these criteria help you not only serve your spouse, but also decide whether a partner is a good fit for you, grow as a person, and get the most out of your relationship.

The premise of submission involves only engaging in games or relationships to which you completely consent, being honest with yourself and your partner, keeping an open mind, and prioritising your mental and physical well.

Being a good submissive demands a great deal of trust. Otherwise, how and why would you give up control to your partner? During play, it is your obligation not only to listen to directions but also to use your safe word (more on that later) if play reaches its boundaries. You should also offer criticism on scenes.

Submissives may have certain expectations in scenes and relationships, which both dominant and submissive agree on, including penalties. Because each relationship or interaction is unique, there is no one-size-fits-all definition of what constitutes a good submissive. This is also why you could be an excellent submissive for one person but a lousy one for another. Rather, you must decide what type of submissive you are/want to be and how you will engage with your partner, then use this foundation to guide your appropriate submissive behaviour.

Finally, realise that no submissive is flawless. Your submission, like everything else in your life, is flawed, and becoming the greatest version of yourself is a continual endeavour. You can only strive to be a better submissive tomorrow than you are today, yet issues in your life or relationship might make it difficult to be a good sub at times. It's also crucial to remember that what it means to be a good submissive may vary over time as your relationship evolves. Some people's surrender merely increases, but this is not the case for everyone.

A primer on how to be submissive.

Although we will provide several examples of how to be submissive and demonstrate power exchange between you and your spouse in this article, there is no single method to be submissive.

Instead, find for methods to express submission to your spouse that you are personally comfortable with.

A subservient individual is often tied, gagged, blinded, or a combination of the three. A submissive will often wear a collar in addition to the shackles. Your submissive character might be the target of penetrative sex and impact play, such as a spanking, paddling, or whipping. If you're practicing BDSM with sex, you could discover that providing oral sex to your partner makes you feel submissive.

To really embrace the submissive role, ask your partner whether you can execute certain behaviours, like as bringing yourself to orgasm or changing positions. You may also discover that calling your partner "Sir" - or another moniker indicating your authority and submission - is enjoyable for both of you.

Some power dynamic relationships transcend beyond the bedroom. Serving your spouse at home, or even in public, might be interpreted as subservience. You could have a routine that compels you to kneel or close your eyes while in front of him. Many of these activities may be modified for bedroom play, and vice versa.

Not So Submissive?

What if your spouse wants you to be submissive but you're not naturally inclined to be that way? The best you can do is play a bottom in the scene.

What is a bottom?

Bottoms are subjected to the same bondage and discipline as submissives, but the notion is that this is a transitory position and that you do not have to feel submissive.

Roleplaying Ideas for Dominance and Submission

Some people find it simpler to enter a submissive mindset by performing a specific role associated with submitting while their spouse plays an authoritative one. Here are a few.

• Teacher and pupil.
• Boss and employee/secretary (maid is typical)
• Coach and athlete.
• Doctor and Patient (or Nurse)
• Cop with inmate/criminal (interrogation or jail scenario)
• Personal trainer and client.
• Kidnapper and Victim
• Military people (he provides commands that you must follow)
• Owner and pet
• Photographer & Model
• Pirate and Maiden

Of course, there are several different situations you might play with your spouse, as well as becoming the more dominating and submissive sides of oneself. However, roles provide a concept of how a scenario should unfold and the style of submission/domination that each character will exhibit. These roles are frequently performed with bondage. You may believe bondage is excessive, yet it may be as basic as holding your wrists during intercourse or wearing a single set of shackles.

How to be submissive without giving up all control.

Remember that just because you are the submissive or bottom doesn't mean you have no control. If you're planning a real BDSM scene rather than simply adding a few aspects to your normal sexual routine, you should discuss it with your partner ahead of time.

A “scene” is your playtime. It may be scheduled and activities planned beforehand, or it may be more loosely planned and spontaneous, taking shaping as you go. Sometimes people refer to “the scene,” meaning the BDSM community. If you're unsure about the BDSM, a safe word might assist to alleviate your concerns. A safe word or phrase is something you can say when situations get too stressful for you to bear. Your safe word should be simple to remember and utter, even when you are under stress. A common approach is the "Light" system, in which you educate your partner by saying:

• Red when you want him to quit.
• Yellow if you want him to slow down.
• Green if you wish him to continue.

Giving up power in the bedroom may be liberating, but it can also be terrifying if you don't feel secure or understand how to be submissive in a healthy manner.

Even if you like being a submissive, you may experience tremendous emotions or realise that certain events evoke old traumas. Both of these are natural, and if your relationship is good, you should be able to work past them in order to fully experience how sexy and liberating BDSM can be.

Unsafe Play Partners and Red Flags

Be wary of any partner who believes that the only way to be submissive is to surrender all power. A lack of safe language, discussion of what will happen and your feelings, or a desire to leap into a BDSM-like situation too early in your relationship may indicate that this person is a potential abuser.

A prospective abuser or hazardous partner may refuse to allow you to express your boundaries or needs, claiming that you are not surrendering enough. But this is not true.  Ignoring your safe word is another major red flag.

Other red signs include:

Isolating you from your friends and relatives

Avoiding contact with people at the scene.

• Attempting to "break" you.
• Humiliating or insulting you outside of the scene
• Mood swings
• Jealousy
• Not communicating.
• Making you aware of your submission.
• Refusing to accept blame or apologise after making an error.
• Ignoring calls to wear condoms or have safer sex
• Pushing Your Limits
• Forcing you to do things that may injure you, such as not allowing you to use the loo.
• Lying or cheating?
• Drug or alcohol misuse, particularly during a scene.
• Previous disastrous partnerships.
• Being critical.
• Attempting to push you to succumb.

BDSM differs from genuine abuse in that you should both profit from it, and no one should compel you to do anything you do not feel safe or comfortable doing. Reaching out to individuals of your community is encouraged, as is staying connected to your own support network.

Turning the Tables

We often see pictures of powerful guys and submissive females, but this is not the only way to be subservient. Your guy can submit to you, the powerful woman, or you can alternate between dominance and submission. A switch is someone who appreciates both positions and has the opportunity to explore both sides of the coin.

Taking up the dominating role has the obvious advantage of allowing you to exploit your guy for both pleasure and gain. It's also a terrific method to demonstrate him your preferences in bed and train him to perform them on demand! Just because you're a woman doesn't mean you have to be subservient. You may learn a lot about yourself by exploring your dominating side as well.

When done correctly, investigating BDSM adheres to the concept of "safe, sane, and consensual." There is no need to be embarrassed or fearful of being dominating or submissive. With honest and open conversation, you may safely explore those aspects of yourself to discover what turns you on or perhaps brings you closer to your guy.

One of the advantages of BDSM is that it promotes open and regular talk regarding sex. But culture seldom encourages us to discuss sex, even with our spouses.