An A-to-Z Guide To Kink And Fetish

Kinks and fetishes might be considered taboo, regardless of how much sex positivity exists online. Secretly searching the internet for a list of kinks to test with your spouse can be subversive and, frankly, uncomfortable. However, sex is entirely subjective, and individuals are frequently intrigued to try things that they believe they would enjoy, so there's no shame in familiarising yourself with what's out there.

Learning about kinks and fetishes might be scary for those who are unfamiliar with them, so first and foremost, grasp what a kink is and what makes a fetish. A kink is a sexual practice that is not considered "acceptable" in society. This can range from role-playing to experimenting with bondage or whips. A fetish is an attraction to an inanimate object, which can include body parts such as feet. Fetishes are a sort of kink.

Kinky sex is all about permission, communication, and compromise, regardless of your preferences. Before trying any new sex act, both people involved must give enthusiastic, ongoing consent. Your kinks may not completely coincide with your partner's, and that's fine. As you analyse what you're okay with and what you may not vary, it's crucial to establish an ongoing dialogue about your limits.

To help you get started in kinks and fetishes, Be Daring has developed a list for each alphabet letter. Who knows. Perhaps one (or more!) of them will pique your interest at any point in your sexual journey.

A Is for Anilingus

No shame in this game: Anilingus is a sex act in which you stimulate your partner's anus by licking, penetrating with your tongue, kissing, or any other sort of oral stimulation.

A is for Actirasty.

There are several fetishes that centre on the weather. There are three types of sexual arousal: brontophilia, which is caused by thunderstorms, chionophilia, which is caused by snow, and actirasty, which is caused by solar rays. While you may be overjoyed after a particularly long winter, when the sun finally appears, actirasty is a fetish in which a person gets aroused by direct exposure to sunshine. In fact, this can be related to another kink—public and outdoor sex—but it crosses over into actirasty when the warming sensation of the sunshine causes physical pleasure in the portions of the body it touches. Depending on the person and their preference, this can result in orgasm.

B Is for Bondage

Bondage is a method of restraint. It's a sex act that falls under the BDSM umbrella, which stands for "bondage, discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism" as well as a collection of typical sexual fetishes. Some people prefer being tied up, some enjoy tying up their partner, and some enjoy both. Someone who prefers both dominant and submissive roles is known as a switch.

B Is for Blindfold Sex

Blindfold sex, commonly known as amaurophilia, might lead to more BDSM play. The kink entails a fondness for being blindfolded during sex, having sex with someone who is blindfolded, or even having sex in total darkness. Blindfold sex can involve placing a silk tie or satin blindfold over the eyes, which should be close-fitting but not too tight. This practice can be extremely enticing for some since it requires an element of surrender—you must have established confidence with the partner who is not blinded. When you're blindfolded, your other senses are amplified. You feel your partner's touch on your skin more acutely, fragrances become more brilliant, and orgasms might be more intense. Blindfold sex is also a common fetish for persons who have anxiety during sex, as the blindfold provides comfort and a sense of escapism.

C Is for Cuckolding

Traditionally, cuckolding is when a heterosexual pair decides to both explore the female's turn-on and humiliate her male partner over the fact that she's sleeping with someone else. The male partner is not need to be present; perhaps he enjoys the mere concept of his spouse having sex with someone else. Others view cuckolding as voyeurism. This kink is not limited to heterosexual couples; people of all genders and orientations can enjoy cuckolding. If you're turned on by the prospect of your spouse sleeping with others but don't want to deal with the emotional cost and risk of them actually having sex with others, you can explore your kink through dirty talk or virtual sex with a third party.

C Is for Claustrophilia

While many fetishes are associated with having sex in public, open areas, claustrophilia is the inverse. Claustrophilia is the sexual excitement caused by being confined to a small, enclosed place. Some people experience sexual enjoyment as a result of the sensation of being physically confined. Some may also like the fear of being confined. Fear has been demonstrated to create a sexual reaction in some, which is why people occasionally get hot after watching scary movies or riding roller coasters

D Is for Dominance

Dominance is one half of BDSM, the DS component (dominance and submission), which is all about a mutual power exchange. In this kink, the dominant partner finds sexual pleasure from exerting control. The submissive partner allows their dominant partner to... dominate them. Important note: While the novels and movies helped make BDSM kinks more popular, they are not entirely accurate. Despite what the film portrays, there is no evidence that dominants love DS actions, such as spanking their spouse, as a result of childhood trauma. And, no, you do not need to sign any kind of contract; all you need is enthusiastic approval from all persons involved.

D Is for DIY Porn

The act of making DIY pornography is strongly related to exhibitionism and voyeurism, in which one person is excited by being seen while the other gets aroused by watching. DIY porn is a method to satisfy both kinks while also taking the act to the next level by filming it. The process of making and watching homemade porn is all part of the fun. Because of the recording element, both consent and trust are required. Before engaging in DIY pornography, everyone involved should discuss and establish specific boundaries, such as whether they consent to having their faces revealed and how and where the material would be preserved.

E Is for Electrostimulation

Electrostimulation is the use of electricity—specifically, receiving an electric shock—for kinky, erotic delight. Obviously, being shocked can be harmful, therefore electrostimulation evolves into another sort of kink known as edge play, which refers to risky BDSM behaviour that has the potential to cause genuine bodily injury. Electrostimulation is a technique used in CBT (cock and ball torture) sessions in which a domme shocks her sub's genitals using electrical contraptions such as a wand (see Z on this list) or a transcutaneous electrical nerve endings stimulation unit, which can be purchased from specialty kink shops. This is one of those preferences that requires tremendous vigilance to take the proper safety precautions, utilise an ironclad safeword, and gain consistent, enthusiastic agreement.

E Is for Erotic Asphyxiation

Erotic asphyxiation, also known as breath play, is a fetish in which the brain receives less oxygen during sex in order to increase excitement and deepen orgasms. Erotic asphyxiation, whether performed on a partner or on oneself (autoerotic asphyxiation), is a sadistic and masochistic passion. During the act, some people enjoy the shift of power. The turn on has significant psychological ramifications that can allow you to explore new roles during sex. Choking emphasises the giving and receiving of control. Giving someone permission to choke you, or vice versa, allows you to switch between dominant and submissive roles in bed. Many of us crave for freedom from control or the ability to take it. However, the hazards exceed the benefits of this type of release. Erotic asphyxiation can cause an abnormal heartbeat, cardiac arrest, brain damage, or even death. There is no genuinely safe way to practice erotic asphyxiation; instead, people interested may try light choking after carefully conveying agreement and setting clear physical boundaries, but even this carries risk. It is crucial to note that choking during sex is incredibly dangerous and should be done with caution. There are numerous risks. Just because you saw choking in porn or are intrigued in it doesn't mean you should rush away and choke your lover. This play should be performed with considerable safety and care.

F Is for Foot Fetishism

This is one of the most popular obsessions among heterosexual guys. Someone with a foot fetish is actually turned on by feet—thinking about them, touching them, and seeing them—and could eventually become addicted to everything foot. They frequently seek to indulge in foot worship, which involves kissing, caressing, and rubbing their partner's foot as if it were a holy item. Even if you don't have a foot fetish, having a spouse who does can be quite delightful because it means there will be plenty of foot massages for you. However, like other quirks, foot fetishes exist on a range. Humiliation can also play a significant role in a foot fetish: The fetishist may want feet forced in their face and mouth, or they may want their partner to walk all over them, proclaiming how filthy their feet are and how sad the fetishist is to like such an activity. Other foot fetish activities include pedicures and smelling the feet or shoes they wear throughout the day.

F Is for Food Play

Food play, also known as sitophilia, is a type of fetish in which people are stimulated by food in an erotic situation. Fruits and vegetables shaped like penises can be used in food play, such as zucchinis, cucumbers, and bananas for vaginal or anal penetration, but the fetish can also involve a more sensual, aromatic food ingestion. This can include spreading melting chocolate or whipped cream over the body and licking it off, as well as utilising frozen fruits like cherries or strawberries to provide chilly sensations on the neck, breasts, and thighs. This play can be arousing in the way they heighten the senses of smell, taste, and feel. Usually, I find that there is a correlation between a certain meal and specific memories or fantasies related with it. Food and sensuality may be linked through pictures, sounds, or even smells. Be prepared to play with food. To reduce clean-up time, place a protective layer over the bed or move the situation to a floor that can be readily cleaned. To avoid possibly annoying or uncomfortable physical sensations, keep away from spicy substances or foods with a harsh textures.

G Is for Gagging

Gagging is defined as lightly choking on an object to the point of generating gagging sounds. People with penises frequently like their partner gagging on them, as well as the awareness that they are large enough to cause gagging noises. Similarly, the partner heading downtown may appreciate having something shoved so deep down their throat that they begin to gag. Gagging does not always require a massive object; something smaller can also do the trick. However, if gagging becomes uncomfortable or you feel like you're about to vomit (which you don't want to do), you should stop at any time you feel even slightly odd. Remember that kink is all about ongoing consent and what makes you feel most sexy.

G Is for Gerontophilia

Gerontophilia is defined as an erotic age orientation in which a person is sexually attracted to the old. While it is typical for people to romantically gravitate towards someone who are older than them—for example, a twenty-something woman may be drawn to a man in his late forties—this is not gerontophilia because older does not always imply "elderly." Gerontophiles are drawn to people aged 65 and up, while not being part of or close to that age group. Gerontophilia does not accurately describe all extreme age-gap relationships—some people choose elderly partners for reasons other than sexual arousal—because it requires a genuine physical attraction to features associated with the elderly, such as sagging skin, wrinkles, grey or white hair, or age spots. While there is little study on gerontophilia, the kink is thought to develop once a person has their first or formative sexual experience with an elderly person.

H Is for Humiliation

Not every BDSM act is physical. "powerful language as a use of force can be just as powerful, if not more intense, than consensually degrading bodily experiences, such as impact play. Name calling and verbal abuse are common forms of humiliation. One of the most popular misconceptions regarding humiliation plays is that they are anti-feminist. However, many feminists enjoy being called "bitch," "slut," or "whore" in bed—your kinks do not reflect your ideals. In a patriarchal environment where women have long been told that sex is not for pleasure, identifying what turns you off, especially if it is atypical, such as shame, and then interacting with it can be a powerful way to regain control of your sexuality. As always, talk about humiliation beforehand and keep it consensual. Your partner may be fine with being referred to as a "slut" but not a "bitch," so make sure to set boundaries.

I Is for Impact Play

Impact play is the use of hands, paddles, whips, or anything you have lying around the house (spatulas work wonderfully) to strike the body. If you've ever spanked your spouse during sex, that's considered impact play. More than anything else, impact play necessitates agreement and communication. A good tip to remember: if you're the one doing the impact, stick to fatty areas like the side of the buttocks or thighs, and avoid organs like the kidneys (lower back) or rib cage. As with any new kink, start small, gradually, and with a safeword. Impact play can be performed alone, but it also works well with other kinks such as name-calling and age play. If you're new to the concept, start with your hands and some good, old-fashioned spanking before investing in more powerful whips and floggers. If something becomes unpleasant (and not in a positive manner), use your safeword immediately.

I Is for Interrogation Play

Interrogation play is a type of role play with a BDSM component. People that are into the kink will play either the dominant, who is in command of the questioning, or the submissive, who is being held captive and keeping a secret. Someone who does not have much authority in their daily lives may find it erotic to have it in the bedroom, whilst someone who does have a lot of responsibilities may find it gratifying to submit to their partner at home. The specifics of the interrogation are up to the individual and their imagination, but some possible scenarios include a detective questioning a lead suspect in a criminal case or a villain torturing a secret agent. To obtain information or power, the dominant will put the submissive to the test with BDSM toys and tools such as restraints, floggers, and sensory deprivation devices such as hoods or blindfold. As the play progresses, each "torture tactic" becomes more intense. Costumes may also be used to increase the authenticity of the role play.

J Is for Japanese Bondage

Japanese bondage is one type of bondage that is commonly performed with rope. Kinbaku means "the beauty of tight binding" in Japanese, whereas shibari means "decoratively tie." Decoratively is correct: Japanese bondage, such as shibari, is both an art form and a kind of bondage.

K Is for Klismaphilia

Klismaphilia is a beautiful Greek term that translates as "arousal by enemas." If you are unfamiliar, an enema is a medical instrument that squirts water slightly warmer than body temperature into your anus. Hospitals utilise it to treat constipation or to prepare patients for specific medical procedures. This kink is most commonly associated with receiving an enema, while some people enjoy providing enemas as well. After all, the anus is an erogenous zone, which explains why kinky people have long used enemas for pleasure. This kink can also serve a practical purpose: it cleans and prepares the rectum for anal intercourse.

K Is for Katoptronophilia

Katoptronophilia refers to the sexual excitation caused by having sex or masturbating in front of mirrors or reflecting surfaces. While viewing yourself in the mirror may appear to be a vanity-driven activity, the fetish is much more than that. We’re into mirrors for a variety of reasons, but voyeurism is the biggest one. For some, this allows them to live out their voyeuristic fantasies without involving others in their sex lives. Everyone has a voyeuristic streak in them. We enjoy observing other people's actions and learning about their life. Watching yourself have sex is like obtaining a bird's-eye view of an imagined, private, and nasty scene. Katoptronophilic activities enable people to satisfy both their voyeuristic and exhibitionist desires by watching and being watched during sex. It can provide additional visual stimulation (such as watching porn while having sex), improve partner connection, and boost body confidence.

M Is for Masochism

Masochism is receiving pleasure from the high sensation most referred to as agony, whether physical or emotional. So if you enjoy being spanked, humiliated, or spit on, you might be a masochist. Sadism (named after an 18th-century French aristocrat) is the opposite of masochism, in which someone enjoys inflicting physical or mental misery on others.

M Is for Melolagnia

Melolagnia is a fetish that involves being stimulated by music. This doesn't just mean having a go-to Spotify playlist for sex, but also having intense sexual reactions to music and fantasising about specific songs or genres. Arousal can be caused by a variety of musical aspects such as the singer's voice, beat, repetition, or even the composition's quality, all of which can result in physical feelings such as goosebumps, a faster heartbeat, or even more natural sexual lubrication.

N Is for Nylons

A nylon fetish—yes, like tights—is frequently associated with a foot fetish. Someone with a nylon fetish may appreciate the sight and feel of their toes, feet, and legs encased in nylon stockings. They could want to sniff the nylons or have them rammed into their mouth. If you want to give it a shot, start by wearing nylons the next time you get frisky (provided you don't mind shredding them), having your lover tie you up with them, or using them as a blindfold for sensory deprivation. (Side note: While bondage is a kink, using nylons for bondage is distinct from having a nylon fetish, in which the nylons themselves provide the sexual stimulation, not their use.)

N Is for Nebulophilia

Nebulophilia is a lesser-known quirk in which sexual pleasure is triggered by fog, steam, dry ice, or smoke. There has been little research into the quirk, but those who are nebulophilic may have had firsthand experiences with these characteristics in the past, such as a theatre performance with a fog machine or an evocative, hazy-looking music video. There is a probability that nebulophilia is linked to one's risk perception, in which fog or smoke is seen as a sign of danger, stimulating fear receptors and occasionally leading to increased sexual desire.

O Is for Objectum Sexuality

Objectum sexuality—also known as a fetish—is a sexual relationship (or attraction) to an inanimate thing. The media typically depicts objectum sexuals as freaks and weirdos who fall in love with things like the Eiffel Tower, a yacht, or their couch. However, this view of objectum sexuality has limitations. A fetish, by definition, is an attraction to an inanimate object. This covers lingerie, foot, and sex toys, so if you've ever fantasised about your vibrator, welcome to the realm of fetishism. In fact, with the rapid advancement of sex-doll technology, we may all soon be engaging in objectum sexuality. Such a viewpoint is important because it allows us to appreciate and empathise with others who do experience feelings for more "out-there" objects, because kink-shaming is terrible.

P Is for Public Sex

Public sex can feel exciting for some people and can feel worth the risk to be seen. Doing something you shouldn't do, with the prospect of legal ramifications if caught having sex in public, and getting away with it can cause a massive rush of dopamine in our brains, making it feel like the ultimate reward. Fields, forests, parks, and gardens are among the most popular locations for people to engage in public sexual activity. Given the public nature of this type of sexual play, as well as the element of risk, it is classified as exhibitionism. it's always important to take into account if you could be violating other people's consent by participating in public sex, no matter how exciting it might be.

Q Is for Quirofilia

Quirofilia is a hand-related fetish that might show as an attraction to fingers, a fantastic manicure, or simply burning hot hands. Hands are attractive. They're employed for a variety of sensual activities, including the underappreciated hand job, fingering, and back massage. While quirofilia can certainly employ hand jobs, fisting, or fingering (the use of hands to directly cause sexual pleasure), some hand fetishists may get off on hands performing basic duties, such as picking up groceries or completing chores. While fetishes are essentially sexual, the behaviour or object of interest to the fetishist may appear to be nonsexual. What one person considers a duty, like as doing the dishes, is a hand fetishist's wet fantasy.

R Is for Role Play

Another popular kink is role acting, in which people portray characters outside of their normal life as part of a sex scenario. This might be as easy as putting on a nurse's uniform or as involved as creating a whole scene with character development. Common examples include doctor and patient (medical role play), boss and secretary, pool boy and wealthy housewife, and college student and professor. While role-playing frequently includes costumes and is a great excuse to dress up, a full outfit is not necessary. Scenes can be constructed with foul words and pure imagination.

R Is for Robot Fetishism

Robot fetishism, often known as robotism, involves people who are sexually attracted to robots or other comparable beings such as androids or cyborgs. This attraction can occur in reality, as in having sex with fully-formed sex dolls or robots, or in a more literary sense, such as reading novels or fanfiction about these entities. Robotism can also present itself in the form of role play, such as having a human partner dress up or perform as a robot during sexual activity.

S Is for Spectrophilia

It's been a difficult year for straight women to connect with others. Those with spectrophilia experience sexual attraction, partnerships, or sexual encounters with ghosts who visit them at night and have steamy sex. A succubus is a ghost in the form of a lady who, according to legend (or spectrophilia imagination), visits her object of desire at night for some steamy human-ghost romance. An incubus is the masculine variant (along with that band). Though the presence of ghosts is debatable (and makes for fantastic Halloween movie marathons), the sexual desire that spectrophiles report experiencing is as genuine as any other fetish. But it does give a new meaning to the term "friendly ghost," doesn't it?

T Is for Tentacles

First and foremost, you cannot have sex with an actual octopus or an octopus-like creature since octopuses are animals and cannot consent. Tentacle porn, on the other hand, does have octopus-like monsters that you can enjoy. It's exciting not only because it's so alien and forbidden, but also because, according to some experts, it fulfils certain other rather basic fantasy motifs, such as bondage and multiple penetration. And if your dream penis is a huge blue tentacle, Bad Dragon, the sex toy manufacturers, may be able to help you realise your monster desires.

T Is for Trichophilia

Trichophilia, often known as hair fetishism, is a sexual attraction to hair. The hair in concern can be human hair (armpit, chest, pubic, head) or animal fur, however it is most typically human head hair. The fetish may include touching, smelling, or staring at hair, wearing another person's hair, or engaging with hair in various states—for example, damp, cut, or plucked. In some cases, it even involves swallowing hair. Those that partake in this fetish may have a strong affinity for the type of hair associated with their dream or sexual activity, such as red hair, tight curls, or short, cropped hair.

U Is for Urophilia

Urophilia is a fancy name for watersports, sometimes known as golden showers or pee play. With this kink, people find urinating sexually appealing. There are numerous ways to play with urine, but the most popular is to give or receive golden showers.

V Is for Voyeurism

A voyeur is someone who gets sexual pleasure from watching other people get it on. When we talk about voyeurism from a kink perspective, we are referring to consensual voyeurism. An critical distinction! Exhibitionists prefer being observed, and voyeurs enjoy watching, therefore these two passions are frequently featured on the menu at sex parties or kink events. Things grow more complex in everyday life because monitoring someone without their knowledge or agreement is very unacceptable. If you have voyeuristic desires, make sure you indulge them in consensual ways with consenting exhibitionists. That way, everyone benefits (and gets off).

V Is for Vicarphilia

With the rise of erotic podcasts and audiobooks, vicarophilia appears to have grown rather widespread without many of us realising it. Vicarphilia is a fetish in which people are profoundly aroused by hearing about the sexual experiences, interests, and behaviours of others, particularly those who live different—or more exciting—lives than their own. This can be felt by listening to a great musician discuss their sexual history on a podcast, or by reading a writer's account of their first romantic experience in an autobiography. The kink is basically living vicariously through the sex lives of others.

W Is for Whip

The name "whip" is often used to refer to all impact play weapons, despite the fact that it officially refers to an object with a thinner body that provides a "stingy" sensation. (BDSM practitioners frequently describe feelings as stingy or thuddy, with the latter referring to a tool like a paddle.) The single-tail whip is the most advanced on the market, resembling a snake and capable of making a cracking noise when used appropriately. Single-tails break the skin and can wrap around the body, harming organs, hence they should only be used by experienced dominatrices.

W Is for Wet and Messy

Wet and sloppy, often known as sploshing, is a fetish in which people love being submerged in or surrounded by wet food or liquids. This can involve cake sitting, being covered in frosting, or Jell-O during sex—all that good stuff. It can also include non-food substances like shaving cream, large amounts of lube, paint, and more. It’s when you get a lot of sexual enjoyment from copious amounts of wet messiness during sexual play, whether you’re having sex or not. The attractiveness of sploshing stems from a variety of factors, but it ultimately comes down to the person. Sensory stimulation is one of the most common reasons people indulge in the wet and dirty fetish. The appeal appears to be the physical sensation of the substance, and in the case of food, the taste of things. In some ways, it is a type of sensory play taken to the extreme. It's about getting turned on by sloppiness, slipperiness, and other sloshy delights. It's critical not to yuck someone else's yum. Human sexuality is complicated, and we should not criticise someone based on their preferences, as long as everyone participating is a consenting adult and the activity is safe.

X Is for Wax Play

Candlelight is excellent mood lighting, but the melted wax can also be used for excruciatingly satisfying sexual pleasure. Of course, playing with fire (and wax) is risky, so we're glad the sex toy industry has our back. There are candles that burn at a temperature suitable for humans, so you don't have to worry about accidental burns. Massage candles also exist. These come in lovely smells like bourbon and dark vanilla. The wax in the candle burns and transforms into massage oil. Enjoy.

Y Is for Yoni Egg

A yoni egg is an egg-shaped item worn inside the vagina, usually as part of pelvic floor exercises. A yoni egg is put into the vagina, and the pelvic floor muscles constrict to secure it in place. They can be rather lovely—the sexual wellness firm Chakrubs sells them in crystals like rose quartz, jade, and black obsidian. Many yoni egg users also have a spiritual component to their practice, especially because crystals are involved. There is still dispute about whether there are any health dangers, so do your research before incorporating this into your Kegel regimen.

Z Is for Zappers

Zapper is a charming nickname for an electro-wand used for electrostimulation. These often resemble a wizard's magic wand, but they are used to deliver electric shocks to the body. Zappers are frequently used in DS play where the dominant shocks the submissive. Though it sounds frightening, zappers feel like a minor sting. It is perfectly fine if they are on your hard-no-limit list. You can still be kinky and cool without zappers; I'd be surprised (shocked!) if they didn't scare you a little.

Z Is for Zentai

Zentai, derived from the Japanese word zenshin taitsu (full body tights), is a formfitting suit that covers the complete body, including the head, fingers, and toes. It is typically brightly coloured and composed of spandex. For those who appreciate zentai, the stimulating component can stem from the fabric's closeness and tightness to the skin, as well as the pressure it can exert on sensitive areas of the body. Because zentai is a form of sexual bondage, the garment can cause the user to feel trapped and enclosed, a sexual experience similar to claustrophilia. For people who are shy or want a little mystery, the anonymity provided by these outfits can be an especially exciting experience.