Let’s Talk Kinks: Understanding Kinks & Fantasy (Part One)
For too long, pleasure has been treated as something we should whisper about, hide, or feel ashamed of.
But desire is not dirty.
Curiosity is not wrong.
And wanting more does not mean something is missing — it means you are human.
This month at Be Daring, we’re launching a new ongoing blog series:
Let’s Talk Kinks
Because your pleasure deserves understanding, not judgement.
Each month, we’ll explore the emotional, psychological, and cultural sides of kink. Not to shock. Not to label. But to help you feel more connected to yourself and your desires.
This first post is about the foundation:
What are kinks? Where do they come from? And why do we have them?
What Are Kinks, Really?
A kink is any sexual or emotional desire that goes beyond what is considered “traditional” or “vanilla.”
But that definition barely scratches the surface.
Kinks are not just about what you do,
they are about how you feel.
They can be about:
Power and surrender
Control and trust
Sensation and intensity
Fantasy and escape
Emotional safety and connection
For some, a kink is physical.
For others, it’s psychological.
For many, it’s both.
At their core, kinks are emotional experiences expressed through the body.
Have Humans Always Had Kinks?
Yes, absolutely.
Ancient texts from India, Greece, Japan, and Rome describe fantasies, power play, ritualised pleasure, and role-based desire. The Kama Sutra, written over 2,000 years ago, explored far more than positions, it spoke about emotion, power, longing, and fantasy.
Across cultures, people have always used desire as a way to:
explore identity
release tension
feel powerful or safe
connect deeply
What changed is not our desire
what changed is the shame around it.
Modern society tried to sanitise sex, placing it into neat boxes. But the human subconscious does not live in boxes.
The Psychology Behind Kinks
Kinks are not random.
They often reflect deeper emotional themes.
Psychologists now understand that many kinks are connected to:
our personality traits
our emotional attachment style
how we experience power and vulnerability
how safe we feel expressing ourselves
For example:
A desire for control can reflect a need for safety and structure
A desire for surrender can reflect trust and emotional release
Role-play can offer freedom from identity pressure
Sensory play can help ground the body and reduce stress
Your kink is not your flaw.
It is one of the ways your mind learns to feel alive.
Why Talking About Kinks Matters
Silence creates shame.
Shame creates fear.
Fear creates disconnection.
When we talk about kinks openly:
We normalise curiosity
We reduce stigma
We create safer spaces for communication
We help people feel less alone
There is nothing wrong with wanting to understand yourself more deeply, sexually, emotionally, or psychologically.
The A–Z of Kinks (Coming Next)
Over the coming months, we’ll be releasing an A–Z of Kinks, one letter at a time.
Each post will explore:
what the kink is
why people are drawn to it
the emotional meaning behind it
how to explore it safely
From A for Aftercare
to Z for Zettai Ryouiki (yes, really ????)
Each letter.
Each feeling.
Each story behind desire.
Final Thoughts
Kinks are not something to “fix.”
They are something to understand.
This series is not about labels.
It’s about self-awareness, confidence, and connection.
So if you’ve ever wondered:
“Why does this turn me on?”
“Is something wrong with me?”
“Am I normal?”
This is for you.
Stay tuned for our next post in the
Let’s Talk Kinks series.